What do you do when you are suddenly approached by a staff member who is furious with a management decision or with something another associate has said or done?

We learn how to handle operational and technical crises on the job, but few of us receive any training on how to turn conflict into positive outcomes.

A good rule of thumb to remember is, “whenever you see conflict stirring in the workplace, flip it like a pancake into problem solving…then forge a positive outcome.”

Here are a few tips about handling conflict situations when approached by a frustrated or upset associate…

1.  Recognize emotions and state of mind and don’t jump to conclusions.  

Don’t start trying to solve the wrong problem! When people are frustrated, angry, or upset, their first attempt to explain the cause of the conflict will likely be loaded with the emotions of the moment. More often than not, we fall into the trap of simply reacting to what the person is saying instead of probing for a more defined cause before proceeding.

Highly frustrated people tend to give overstated and exasperated explanations of the events. If you listen to what they are saying…and to what they’re not saying….you will begin to discover the actionable causes of the conflict.

2.  What do we hear when we listen to what is not said? 

Virtually all workplace conflicts are fueled by feelings of dissonance, discomfort, and / or frustration.

Dissonance

Conflict is a reality of human interaction that often starts because of dissonance. A person experiences dissonance when he or she becomes preoccupied with the belief that things “are not the way they’re supposed to be!”

Example: An associate receives a rude e-mail from a co-worker.

The e-mail recipient knows that the teamwork standard for the workplace is, “we should be courteous with one another.” He or she then wrestles with dissonance: “Things are not the way they’re supposed to be! People should not be rude in their communications!”

Discomfort

Dissonance gives way to a growing discomfort as the person continues to dwell on the event. The degree of discomfort varies with the nature of the problem and the impact upon the person. It can include hurt feelings, increased workload, or even physical pain and financial loss.  

Frustration

Discomfort often leads to frustration if the problem persists or is ignored. If not resolved, frustration can evolve into anger. Anger that is expressed inappropriately can turn out to be an even larger problem than the original offending event.